Spiritual Fire

As the summer begins to come to a close, the realization that I will be back on campus mingling with my peers and constantly studying is beginning to hit me. I reflect on my previous year and try to think of what I can change and improve on in my junior year of college. My sophomore year was a spiritual challenge. My faith was challenged and questioned in many ways that I wasn't prepared for. I strived to make people happy, instead of myself. I questioned my own beliefs and danced in fire when it came to my moral rights and wrongs. It was challenging, tiring, draining, consuming and overwhelming. This summer I had the chance to submerge myself in a world of reflection - self reflection & peer reflection.

"Some burn up in the fire. Others are refined by it."

It's a choice to either be consumed by the fire or refined by the fire. I chose to be refined but I was still scorched. My heart singed. Arms seared. The process to reach this point was long and treacherous path. To be honest, I'm not even sure if the process is finished. But what I do know is I've learned. I learned that:

• In the process of discovering yourself, many people will see it as not knowing yourself. 
• Having a support system that uplifts you instead of bringing you down is crucial. I definitely had a strong support system but I didn't use them. I turned to the wrong group of people for the soul quenching advice that I needed.

• Live for me. Not who others want me to be. But for me.
• I relied too much on other's people perception. In the end, I am the one who has to speak on my decisions and choices.

• If it doesn't make you happy, leave it.
• It can be defined as friends, a job, a major or a hobbies. When I found myself more worried about what is said when I leave the room than what was said in the room. I was made conscious of the fact that I depended too much on someone else's approval. I gave the power of my happiness to someone else.

•  As much as I fight to fit in, the harder the resistance.
• I learned that everything that I see or even want might not be meant for me. Sophomore year I definitely think I tried to hard to fit in. But if you are reading this and also struggling with fitting in the mold, realize that you were set apart. You were not meant to fit in. You are a divergent, having no limits or mold because you were meant to stand out. 

With all that being said, I have so much more to learn. My curiosity about different topics in never ending. My mistakes are unique to me, in the fact that they are mine. I own them, I'm aware of them but I constantly am improving. In a world that promotes so many different viewpoints, I will strive to continue living the way that I believe is meant for me. Following Christ.

"I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me"