I've Come Too Far To Go Back To What I Used To Be

Hello Beloveds,
I know it's been a little while since I blogged but the thing is I actually have been blogging I just don't post them because they feel a little incomplete to me but that's just one of the many side effects to be a perfectionist! Recently I've been evaluating my relationship with Christ now versus what it used to be. I am amazed at how far I've come and how my walk with Christ just continues to get better each day. In my next post I will talk about my testimony in full detail. But a brief summary is my mom became very ill during my senior year and the beginning of my freshman year at college. The period while I was in college more than 2,000 miles away from home was where my mom hit her lowest and this is when I relied on God the most I've ever had in my life. I relied on him in my relationships, my grades, my classes it was all in his hands.
Before this situation, if I was ever going through a difficult time I wouldn't know how to handle it and I would lash out by acting out and being mean. I was not a pleasant person to be around. And I made quite a few enemies because of my actions. But while I was facing the situation with my mom, I was different. I didn't have to become hostile and angry. And I didn't. I had a sense of peace that was given to me by the grace of God. While many people had no idea what I was going through, I still managed to treat people nicely which was something that I usually don't do when dealing with a situation of serious magnitude. I also did something that I hadn't done before, I asked God for help. There is no way in this world that I would have been able to get through my mom's illness without the help of God. A progressive stride in my relationship in Christ.. I am no longer who I used to be.
March 3, is always a very difficult day for my family. I hope you all respect my decision to not go into full detail but a very close member of my family who passed away was born today. I can start the day so happy but as soon as I look at the date I am brought back. I become very quiet and reclusive and rather be left alone. Again I was tested today to see how much I really let God control my life. When we as humans are in bad moods we can easily snap on people at the slightest things. While that was close to happening it didn't. The person had no idea what I was going through and I'm sure something wasn't going her way today either. But the point is the old me would have easily told her about herself easily! But that's the power of God, instead of making a big scene I simply backed down and said I lift this to you Lord. Self-control a fruit of the spirit I once completely lacked but am now building and growing through God.
To sum it up, if you are working on your relationship with Christ continue to work at it because it's not easy. But you are going to be able to look back and see how far you've come and how much you've changed because of Him. He is just so good. And remember you are loved and continue to live for him not for them.